Friends, the Best of 'em

You will hear a million different definitions to what the word 'friend' means. According to Wikipedia it is:

Noun A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

If you ask me, a friend is someone you can hang out with and have a good time. In my case, there really is no difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Because of school and my complete lack of social skills, I don't get out much to hangout with all the people that I know. I don't know much about them and they don't know much about you. So you see, that is why there really is no difference to me. 

Now, a best friend is something far greater. Once you get one, or more, you feel like they re the people you can talk to no matter what, act a fool around, and know that they won't silently judge you like a friend will. You are able to speak your mind around them, and if you hate someone odds are they will hate them too just because. Whenever you feel low they are the ones that can bring you back to life and completely turn your day around. I'm not saying it is a perfect relationship. Like much else there will be problems, things that will send you spiraling and drive you mad. In the end of the day though, you both will get over it and go back to whatever way you were. 

Unfortunately, when you get older, you sometimes have a falling out with some of the people you care most about. After my accident in the beginning of summer '12, I began to push people away. I was like that during the first three years of high school. I never let anyone in, I never told anyone anything  and I was basically a very closed and private person. I bloomed my senior year and I swore that I would not lose my 2 best friends. I had never anticipated what college does to you, and then the traumatic event that was to come for me. 

During my freshman year of college, I took things very easily and maintained a friendship with my best friends, running into one of them at school and the other through texting and hanging out every now and then, as well as making new friends. My sophomore year in college, now, I know what I am majoring and I am putting all my focus into school so that I can finish with my associates degree by the end of the year. This has killed my social life completely. Also with my accident, I came to the realization that I had to set my priorities straight and school was at the top of the list. 

I somehow managed to fall right back into that part of my life where I wanted no one close to me. I am a very honest person and keep no secrets, an open book, but I still feel like I need to keep to myself. I went through it when I was younger, and I guess history does repeat itself. I am also bad at keeping things going with people. It is never some major fight or anything, it is usually just a natural fallout. I guess maybe I am destined for a hermit's life and that is all I have to look forward to, I hope that isn't the case though.

To my best friends who I had this fallout with, you know who you are and I am truly sorry. I never intended that to happen. I want us to get back together again and have a strong relationship, but we all live separate lives. Somehow things just happen like that. It really breaks my heart and I would never wish this empty feeling on anyone because there are times when I need to talk to someone and I realize I have no one. This is no one's fault but my own.