Friends, the Best of 'em

You will hear a million different definitions to what the word 'friend' means. According to Wikipedia it is:

Noun A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

If you ask me, a friend is someone you can hang out with and have a good time. In my case, there really is no difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Because of school and my complete lack of social skills, I don't get out much to hangout with all the people that I know. I don't know much about them and they don't know much about you. So you see, that is why there really is no difference to me. 

Now, a best friend is something far greater. Once you get one, or more, you feel like they re the people you can talk to no matter what, act a fool around, and know that they won't silently judge you like a friend will. You are able to speak your mind around them, and if you hate someone odds are they will hate them too just because. Whenever you feel low they are the ones that can bring you back to life and completely turn your day around. I'm not saying it is a perfect relationship. Like much else there will be problems, things that will send you spiraling and drive you mad. In the end of the day though, you both will get over it and go back to whatever way you were. 

Unfortunately, when you get older, you sometimes have a falling out with some of the people you care most about. After my accident in the beginning of summer '12, I began to push people away. I was like that during the first three years of high school. I never let anyone in, I never told anyone anything  and I was basically a very closed and private person. I bloomed my senior year and I swore that I would not lose my 2 best friends. I had never anticipated what college does to you, and then the traumatic event that was to come for me. 

During my freshman year of college, I took things very easily and maintained a friendship with my best friends, running into one of them at school and the other through texting and hanging out every now and then, as well as making new friends. My sophomore year in college, now, I know what I am majoring and I am putting all my focus into school so that I can finish with my associates degree by the end of the year. This has killed my social life completely. Also with my accident, I came to the realization that I had to set my priorities straight and school was at the top of the list. 

I somehow managed to fall right back into that part of my life where I wanted no one close to me. I am a very honest person and keep no secrets, an open book, but I still feel like I need to keep to myself. I went through it when I was younger, and I guess history does repeat itself. I am also bad at keeping things going with people. It is never some major fight or anything, it is usually just a natural fallout. I guess maybe I am destined for a hermit's life and that is all I have to look forward to, I hope that isn't the case though.

To my best friends who I had this fallout with, you know who you are and I am truly sorry. I never intended that to happen. I want us to get back together again and have a strong relationship, but we all live separate lives. Somehow things just happen like that. It really breaks my heart and I would never wish this empty feeling on anyone because there are times when I need to talk to someone and I realize I have no one. This is no one's fault but my own. 

WB Update and Other Things

Well my winter break is moving along nicely. As much as I dislike school I am actually anxious for the next semester. I really don't like not having anything to do. Anyway, the new year started and I am ready to embrace it! It feels like it is going to be a good year, although once I'm in school and freaking out over that I will probably change my mind. Then again, now that I have gotten rid of my old HP laptop, our time together was short lived but great nonetheless, and got myself a new Samsung Chromebook it is good so far! It was a sort of a little birthday gift to myself because I turn 20 on the 27th!! I love my birthday month and until that day I will be reminding everyone I know.

Anyway, seeing as it is the new year, it is time for some resolutions or goals for myself. I know people really hate them and I didn't realize that I know a lot of cynics until I read all their opinions on the matter. Regardless of what others think, I am setting these goals for myself and I will stick with them throughout the year. I will have no choice because I will be writing updates monthly so that I can keep track of my progress and so will you.

1. Get fit. This is a resolution that many people decide to go with, and well I am one of those people. I am going to make it specific though. I want to lose 15 pounds by June and almost completely cut out sweets and unnecessary foods. I'm not to sure about the sweets, but I will definitely try.

2. Post at least 3 times a month. One post will be dedicated to my goal updates, another will be miscellaneous, and the last will be a current reads update. The current reads one will be so that I make sure that I continue reading because I sometimes lose focus when I start school and I don't want that to happen. So basically, it is a goal within a goal!

3. Lastly, I want to have a more positive outlook on life. The phrase "misery loves company" always rings true to me. Somehow I always manage to surround myself with negative energy, and it isn't healthy. Bad habits form from this negativity and that will throw off my first goal.

So those are the 3 things I hope to keep up with throughout this year. People say that it is just another year and that no one really changes, but may I just say that I am not the person I was in the beginning of 2012. Are all my changes for the better? Maybe, maybe not, it really depends who you are asking. Everyone is going to have an opinion and it is up to you whether you choose to listen and act upon those opinions.

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On a side note, I also hope to be graduating with my associates degree this year! That is definitely my top priority above all else! Have a great year everyone!!

New Year, New You!...Not Really

So the new year sort of just creeped up. Another year has come to an end. For me specifically I don't think much has happened. The only notable thing I think is that I managed to finally choose a major and not change my mind after a week or two like before. To my family however, there has been a lot!

We welcomed three babies into the world this year. A boy and two girls, and although I have yet to go see one of the girls, I love them with all my heart. I wanted to go see the new baby down in Florida seeing as I have another two weeks of break, but I cannot get myself to leave the other two. Other things happened as well, but nothing that seems as notable as just that news.

Well some of us managed to make it out of 2012 without too much damage, and I think that is something we should give ourselves credit for. We will all have our new years resolution, that we will all most likely give up by the second week of January. Even if that is true, I think that everyone should have one just because you never know the outcome of it. If you say that you are going to workout and be healthy (a very common one!), you may meet someone at the gym or at a wholefoods that could help you keep up with your resolution. If you say you want to be more outgoing, all you need is to meet one person before you give up, and who knows where that will lead. These little goals that we set for ourselves, no matter how foolish or impractical, are a driving force for some change. Change is a good thing even if it not always welcome.

New year, so why not make it a new you? I'm not saying to change who you are because you may be a great person. I am saying that you should open yourself up to new things that you may not have tried or liked before. Over time we become different people whether we choose to or not, so why don't we just embrace these little changes and own them. Some people may not like the new you, but as long as you are happy, what does it matter what others think of you?

Current Reads/Winter Break Update

Well so far so good during this break. Not too much going on really. I'm done with the first season of "Doctor Who" now and on to the next, so I guess that means I enjoy it. I also caught up a bit on my DVR. I know you may think that I watch too much TV, but at this time there really isn't much else to do. I am not stupid enough to go shopping the last few days before Christmas because that is when the especially crazy people come out. There is also the fact that people are going mad and thought the world was going to end on the 21st and decided they didn't want to buy presents.

As for the reading, I am moving along with Seeing Julia by Katherine Owen. It is progressing along nicely and I enjoy the story line so far. I like that You are getting to know more and more about the other people in Julia's life as she talks to the therapist. I am also curious if we are going to be reading more about the character Jacob Winston, who was a savior from the beginning. I don't want to give away too much in case you choose to read it yourself. Also I am reading The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest by Stieg Larrson and me and my cousin decided to make a little book club out of it. I am excited for this considering I've never been a part of a book club. I like the idea of being able to discuss the reading with someone. Maybe that way I won't have weird dreams that have to do with the book and its characters that I am reading at the time.

There are also apps, apps, and more apps that are being downloaded on my phone. I think they are a great way to waste time, time that I seem to have so much of. My only problem is that I am not able to stick to one of them. Some I think are pointless and get uninstalled after an hour or so. There are others that I download and it is all going well, and then you have to pay for something or it just gets really complicated. I don't mind the complicated games as much as the games that lead you on. You're fine and then all of a sudden you have to start paying for things left and right. Anyway, there are so many options out there that are available.

Well, that is how my winter break has been so far. Not too exciting of course. Oh! But there was some snow! As a winter baby I do love the snow. It is one of the most beautiful things to me to see it on the ground sparkling like diamonds. I don't care what anyone says, I love the snow and I like it cold.

Winter Break

Well, now that the semester is over and all the finals and essays are done, I can relax. Being the completely unproductive person that I am, I plan on doing unproductive things over break. I am pretty sure no one actually cares what I am going to do, but the point of this blog is for you to get into my head, and so I am granting you access.

My best friend over break will be Netflix. I will definitely be watching movies, not exactly sure which ones just yet, but there will be plenty. Also I will be watching many shows. I just started Doctor Who. I don't know how far into it I will get because I'm not too into SciFi that has to do with aliens, but it is pretty decent so far. There are also the other shows that I have been watching, such as Supernatural, Psych, and How I Met Your Mother. I have plenty on my DVR recorded as well that will also have to be watched. Yeah, I am a bit of a TV junkie, judge all you like.

Now, so that my brain doesn't completely turn to mush before the next semester starts in January, I will be reading. Hopefully I will finish reading one of the three books listed in my last post. Also I will be working on crochet and knitting, because I really am an old lady at heart. May also be starting a job, but not too sure about that one. I am going to be doing anything that will be keeping me fairly busy really.

Most importantly I will probably be blogging a bit more now. I have a few posts that I have started and never really finished. Anyway, now reading over this I guess it won't be the most unproductive month of my life. So, if you have any suggestions for movies or shows or books or anything you like, feel free to suggest some. I'd really appreciate it!

Current Read(s)

I don't know what it is wrong with me at the moment, I can't seem to stick to reading one specific book. I think it has to do with college or it is just the fact that I am just not into the books I am reading. Anyway, I won't sit and try to figure out what it is and I'll let you know what the books are.

1. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest - Stieg Larsson

I have read the first 2 books and really enjoyed them. Unfortunately, in my opinion, it takes too long for me to get into these books. The first half of the books drag for me and I sit and wonder when the hook is going to snatch me up. After that hook, however I tend to not be able to put the book down. 

2. Seeing Julia - Katherine Owens
I found this author after she followed me on twitter and I saw that a couple of her books were for free on Amazon for a little while. I took the opportunity to get them on Kindle. I have the Kindle app on my phone and so I never have to worry about carrying the book around. So far it is really good. It started off with a bit a tragedy and I like that because you know the character can only go up from here. Also there is a love interest there already starting, and well, I'm a hopeless romantic and I love it. I'm excited to see what the rest of the book has to hold for me.



3. Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
Now, a cousin of mine lent me this book and so far I don't know what to think of it. It is a bit confusing for me. I am sure that it will begin to make more sense as I read on. It was made into a movie, so it must be really good. I want to see the movie because I think it would make more sense, but I'm a stickler for reading a novel and then seeing the movie. I think this has to do with my critiquing the film industry and their continuous failures to make a movie remotely like the novel that inspired it. Also there would be no point to read a book after a watching the movie because it ruins the plot and therefore just destroys the purpose of reading.

It's a Dog Eat Dog World Out There

Alright, it is finals for the next two weeks and as most other college students who feel the classes they are taking are impossible, I have broken down already once and the week has just gotten started. My post may sound a little scatter brained, I'm giving you fair warning because that is the kind of brain I have at the moment. It really is awful, finals I mean. All you see are students who frantically panic and don't know what to do with themselves because there is so much material to cover. There are also no open study rooms and hardly anywhere to sit in the library.

Now, when I say that I don't like school people tend to think of it as if I am joking. In all honesty, I hate it and I don't understand why I want to be a teacher, but I do. Even my body rejects school. I always get sick the first week or two of the semester and throughout the rest I get headaches. The amount of stress that comes from midterms and finals also leaves me ill. It is just not fun for me.

Any way, I realize that these past 2 paragraphs probably have nothing to do with the title, but bear with me I am getting there. Remember I said scatter brain. Ok, so teachers expect you to remember all of this information that they have thrown at you the entire semester and then some. You see things on the finals or on the review sheets that you have never covered before. Also if you are helping someone out, they expect you to do all the work for them. They knew what they were getting themselves into and they should have been better prepared. It is all about the people you surround yourself with as well. Don't tell me that you just need to look out for yourself at the end of the semester because that is complete crap.

I have a problem with letting people down and I don't like to get pressured by others. Especially with school. I have enough issues with that as it is and I don't need anymore. If I don't want to get better than a C in the class and that is ok with me, then don't let it be your job to try to get me to do more. I know that I can't get better than that because the numbers don't add up. You are just going to make me feel horrible about that grade and make me feel like I didn't reach your expectations.

I have learned long ago that life isn't handed to you on a silver platter. My expectations for reality are low so that when something good happens I am really happy with it and I appreciate it that much more. Also I only look out for myself and no one else, it is a dog eat dog world out there and there is no other way to be. I can be helpful but only to an extent. You know that when you meet me, don't sit and try and hope for more than that out of me.

Definitely changing the title of this post from People and Their Expectations to Its a Dog Eat Dog world out there because that makes more sense to me.